Here's what I used to do and "thought" I lived balanced. I would enjoy the social occasions but starve myself all day, "saving" my calories for the binge meal to come, knowing that no matter how hard I tried I would still binge so I might as well deprive calories to compensate. Following the holiday or social occasion I would berate myself and feel SO guilty for over-indulging and follow-up with a binge-exercise session to "burn off" the horrendous, sickening amounts of "forbidden" food I'd eaten. Sound a little familiar?
I can tell you what it feels like to be imprisioned in your own mind, inside that diet-mentality, because I was stuck there from age ten until the last year or so, to the point that I needed professional help and intensive in-patient treatment to help me cope with my severely disordered eating. I put off this image that I was so healthy and others would look at my baby-size rabbit salad and lean protein and think of how healthy I was, not realizing that I was DRASTICALLY under-eating, exhausted, freezing from a sluggish metabolism (aka lack of calories and fats in particular), catching every illness the breeze blew by, moody and felt like a horrible mother, wife and daughter. Is that really the price we feel we need to pay to be skinny????
You're doing "well" at socially isolating yourself sometimes, the master of all willpower, strength of a super-human. Then suddenly you lose your marbles and for the life of you can't even keep yourself from eating to the point of near vomiting, you have NO willpower and feel weak, stupid, and useless. This might be a bit extreme but something millions suffer from. Is this how you talk to yourself? I still struggle with this all the time, it's NOT easy to overcome and change that mindset, no matter what any guru tells you. It will probably take years of work and will always be a struggle to some extent, but each struggle brings you closer. Those beliefs are engrained so tightly in our minds from a young age, thanks to all those fancy diet magazines, articles, programs, fads, gimmicks and black and white programs. We're always being told "eat this, not that", this is bad, this is good, no one ever talks about living WITH the food. This mentality is what creates disordered eating and serious eating disorders, low self-esteem and self-worth that is directly tied to the number on the scale and whether or not we're being "good". We're teaching this mentality to our daughters whether we think we are or not.
Think about it logically, is one, two or even three larger meals for ONE week going to cause you to wake up one day 50lbs heavier? No. And just because you have these meals doesn't mean you should throw up your white flag, scream mercy and continue your binge-fest until the New Year when you VOW to grow the willpower of a thousand men overnight and never want to eat that delicious food ever again! Not gunna happen, by the way. WHY does it have to be so black and white? You'll have gained 10lbs easy by the end of Christmas, especially if you normally restrict calories quite a bit, and then you've got an extra 10lbs to lose, that's a lot more exercise punishment and starvation. Sure, it's easy to say you'll never eat it again when you've just had 15 servings but what about when you're starving on your crazy diet in a day or two? It's going to happen faster than you want. You might even be "motivated" enough to stick with it and lose crazy weight for weeks or months but that deprivation is GOING to get to you and when you rebound, the more restrictive you were the WORSE it's going to be.
This IS the nasty, life-leeching, twisted diet mentality we are FED is "normal"! Please, DARE to think for yourself! This is what took me YEARS to realize. I HAD all the knowledge yet struggled deeply every single holiday, social occasion and night out. It's not just once a year, it's all year round, weekly and sometimes daily! I would work to the point of exhaustion in the gym for days afterward, compensating with lower calories, convinced that this was a healthy way because I was avoiding the weight gain and stayed skinny. Let me tell you right now, weight gain is NOT a measure of health, neither is weight loss. I was NOT healthy, either. Skinny, yes, healthy no.
So, what is balance, then? Feeling completely lost and hopeless yet? Wait!
Imagine going to a social event and not having any "forbidden" foods. Imagine the freedom to enjoy indulgences without the feeling of desperation every time you take another bite and can't stop yourself, (last one I SWEAR). Imagine feeling satisfied and full without that sense of panic later on, the next day or next week when it's all over. Imagine genuinely being able to walk away from mountains of junk food or being able to pick just a few items without feeling like you "can't" or "have to", without having to convince yourself you're strong and don't need any of it, meanwhile you go hungry instead out of fear of eating it and spiralling out of control. Imagine KINDNESS toward yourself, understanding that you're human when you DO overindulge (because you will) and not getting your G-string all tied up in a knot about it, not spending hours in the gym the day before and after! Imagine how much stress would be relieved, how much extra time you'd have and how many others things you could put that mental energy toward. Probably hard to imagine!
Balance is NOT complete deprivation and "not needing" the food you grew up with, the food that tugs your soul-strings and creates a feeling of inner-happiness. We are human beings, food is naturally a sense of comfort, particularly in our culture and society in North America. It's everywhere, at every social occasion! We celebrate with it at baby and wedding showers, mourn with it at funerals, ACCEPT it is ALWAYS going to be there and that you CAN enjoy it!
Cheers,
Chelsea
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