Top Ten Exercise Myths

Inspired by a descriptive image I found on Google that was unreadable on my fan page on Facebook. I decided there were some key points I wanted to share with you that I have learned, myself, through my years floundering, failing and embarrassing my way through the diet and fitness industry.

1) Your cardio machine is counting the calories you're burning.
MYTH- Individual metabolism varies by time of day, proportion of lean mass (muscle) to body fat, fitness level, age, genetics, diet and training regime, among other variables. There can be a large gap between what you are actually burning and what the machine is telling you. Furthermore, the amount of calories you burn in the gym is generally pretty irrelevant and tends to feed the mindset that we can work off what we eat and other distorted ways of approaching exercise. Exercise will be enjoyed to a greater degree when the focus is not on a number whether it be the scale or the machine. Though steady state cardio may appear to burn more calories, for example, you are boosting your metabolism higher for significantly sustained periods with high intensity intervals and heavy weight training, for example.

2) Heart rate monitors will tell you how hard you're working.
MYTH- Heart rate monitors can tell you if your heart rate is increasing or decreasing but the best way to tell how hard you are working is to ask yourself. Are you able to talk and hold conversation? Can you talk but broken with breaths in between? Are you barely phased at all? Are you sweating and feel uncomfortable? Remember, as well, that our heart rates do not need to be elevated for any set amount of time to benefit, nor do we need to have a high heart rate to indicate working hard. If you struggle with pushing yourself and listening to your body, have a condition that warrants careful heart rate monitoring etc then a heart rate monitor could be beneficial to your training.

3) Your weight is the end all be all.
MYTH- Weight, in my opinion, is a highly useless tool for progress measurement. I have seen many people maintain and even GAIN weight while dropping body fat. If the individual is dramatically on one side of the BMI scale (morbidly obese for example), then pounds MAY be useful but often lead to frustration. Much of the weight lost in the beginning is water and some muscle. A dramatic weight loss may begin when cutting down sodium, sugar and when weight at different times of day. You can gain/lose a pound depending on your bowel habits so I wouldn't put too much weight (pun intended) on the scale. In fact, I prefer to live without it and recommend the same for many others unless they are strong enough to not get caught up in it. BMI does not indicate body fat levels and as the epidemic of "skinny fat" increases (of normal weight but with a bodyfat level that would indicate an overweight/obese individual and therefore the same health risks as someone who is overweight/obese) and as muscle mass increases BMI become more and more irrelevant. The best ways to measure progress are with photos and measurements.

4) Low intensity exercise burns more fat.
MYTH- The body doesn't have a magic switch that flips on once all our carb stores are eaten up, nor when we've hit the magic number of minutes "required" to turn on our fat burning power. In addition, higher intensity exercise improves cardiovascular health, endurance and resiliency, burns MORE calories (fat is made of calories essentially. One pound of fat=3500 calories), can stimulate metabolism up to 3x longer than boring slow-paced cardio and when done in intervals can be completed in a mere 15 minutes. Far less mind-numbing than that hour on the hamster wheel. Exercise can be done EFFICIENTLY. Quality over quantity, ever time!

5) Chug a protein shake after a workout.
MYTH- There is NO magic in a protein shake BUT there ARE benefits. For example, whey protein (most common post-workout protein supplement used) is incredibly easy and convenient. It can be quickly packed and mixed with water from the fountain and downed with a piece of fruit for a fantastic post-workout snack. Considering there is an ideal window post-exercise of 30-45 minutes where the body is HUNGRY for protein and carbohydrates, when it will soak it up like a sponge and use it to repair the damage done in the gym (essential, otherwise your body is eating away and damaging muscle and never rebuilding. This contributes to the lack of tone many women talk about even though they work out vigorously, though there are many other factors here I could talk about. A fast, easy, convenient meal is is highly beneficial. Whey in liquid form is easily digested and requires less work from the body, meaning it is absorbed fairly quickly (why you probably need a full meal within an hour or two of working out). It seems counterproductive but is necessary. Without adequate post-workout nutrition the immune system may weaken, soreness increases and recovery can take significantly longer increasing risk of injuries.

6) You can spot reduce for tight abs or toned arms.
MYTH- you cannot choose how you STORE fat so what makes you think you can choose how to lose it?? ;) The body is hardwired with genetics. Women tend to store more fat around the buttocks, hips and thighs while men tend to be more evenly distributed. If your abs are your trouble spot you will notice that everything else tends to lean out before that 6-pack really pops. You can improve your body, bring out the GOOD traits of your body (my legs are very heavy in comparison with my shoulders. I cannot build big shoulders, so I can choose to work shoulders more often and legs less often to avoid the large, bulky look they can get) and accentuate those to compliment your body shape and size but you will never be able to build a Kardashian butt without having the benefit of the gene pool. Lifting heavy will accentuate your feminine curves and help create a more desirable shape than what is often created with higher body fat levels and you can round out a pancake butt but keep your expectations realistic. Don't hate on yourself for things you cannot change! You must lose fat all over to lose fat in that trouble area, I guarantee you. You can build muscle (this doesn't happen with 3lb weights) and fill out the area so that it appears more defined but until you lose some of the layer covering the muscle you won't see that "tight" look.

7) You can eat whatever you want as long as you workout.
MYTH- You CANNOT out run a poor diet. I should just end it there but I'll add more! Diet is a good 90% of the equation. Use weights and efficient, occasional cardio, to shape the body and prevent muscle wasting with weight loss. Body fat loss can be achieved with diet alone. Actually you can lose weight on almost any food on the planet but your results, how much fat vs muscle you lose, the shape of your body, building of muscle and having that "fit" and "toned" look will be highly dependent on your diet. You CAN eat whatever you want but you can't eat whatever you want, whenever you want. You can learn to fit in daily treats, social events etc and make it fit WITH your lifestyle (since it really should be a lifestyle, never a diet unless you're an athlete training for an event) without ruining your progress. This takes practice and for most, a little help in the beginning.

8) Cardio is the only way to lose weight.
MYTH- Cardio can actually be the SLOWEST way to lose weight! You CAN workout only 3-4x a week with only 2 cardio sessions and still be fit, lean and healthy. As some points mentioned above, high intensity intervals, for example are much more efficient and exciting.

9) You have to do cardio in the morning on an empty stomach in order to burn fat.
MYTH- When it comes down to it you do whatever gets you up, out and that heart pumping! Many have less excuses and obstacles first thing in the morning, a fresh outlook and energy and a full night's rest under their belt. If you somehow find a way to get yourself to the gym after a long day at work, with dinner to be made, kids to feed, things to tidy and get together for the following day etc etc etc and have the energy to really go for it then don't stop just because you read some article that says morning is better. Even if you DID burn more fat on an empty stomach you'll probably make up for the difference by lacking the vigor and energy you might otherwise have had you eaten a light snack before hitting the weights. Most athletes won't even train on an empty stomach!

10) Drinking ice cold water burns fat.
MYTH- There IS some evidence that dropping body temperature activates the body's brown fat stores (the good kind of fat that is significantly more metabolically active than the fat you're thinking of), though I have never actually seen any good research showing that drinking cold water is anything but refreshing! Even IF it were true the effect would be incredibly minimal. Ice water isn't your secret to skinny and dramatic metabolic boosts, sorry. Just like all the hot peppers in the world won't cure a lack of exercise and poor diet. I have seen this myth get to the point that the person refuses to drink anything but ice water because it's a waste of "calorie burning potential". Trust me, it's not worth worrying much about!

I'm in a magazine!! The Secrets Behind Before and After Photo's

I'm in a magazine ;) :D

I won a contest once that was supposed to get me a magazine ad. I didn't feel good about that ad and was relieved it never ran. Why? Because 6ish weeks later I'd gained 30lbs and felt full of shame. I was struggling with depression and my body was weak and running in constant stress after overtraining and dieting myself for just 6 weeks. This isn't just lack of willpower or weakness. I felt desperate and ashamed of myself, like I'd let my followers down. I struggled to get a grip and couldn't figure out what had happened to me, my mind, my body. I quit my gym and found a new one. For two years I struggled to heal, physiologically and physically. If you've been following my blogs you'll have read the series "Behind the Muscle" where I talk about my dieting journey through the gravel and stone, winding paths and straight up land slides. I didn't just wake up knowing where I was and where to go, it took a lot of self-realization and refusing to live in denial. I had to change my course dozens of times and I failed miserably so many times, doing so much damage so many different ways.

For once it became about HEALTH. Even when contest dieting it seemed to be about starting at crazy low calories, starving, exhaustion and spending hours in the gym. I felt motivated and determined, I was convinced I was doing the best I ever had in my life. I was my fittest, running at 10mph at full incline, doing 2 hours of cardio a day with an hour of circuits (another way to sky-rocket heart rate) on zero carbs with a child. I felt like super woman! So imagine the devastation when it all came crashing down and I realized I had done it wrong the whole time... I had allowed it to happen, chosen to do what I did because I was truly convinced it was what I was supposed to do.

Not every program out there is perfect for everyone, no matter how beneficial and perfect and there are thousands out there that help people (not necessarily making it a healthy option but you're doing what you can with where you're at!) but I can tell you that THIS was exactly what I needed and played a huge part in the path of my life going forward. That isn't everyone's story and this isn't an advertisement for anyone or any company. I won't give you any links on where to buy my products and how much to pay me. This is about the PHILOSOPHY that changed my life. Hehe, that's what Jim Rohn says, by the way! But this is EXACTLY what describes what happened.

Suddenly I began to realize that I was missing the most important part, the part I was refusing to acknowledge was possibly a cause of many of my struggles in life. The pages of my life flash before me- bulimia, over-exercise, over-dieting, diet pils, fad diets, highly restrictive diets cutting out a long list of foods, obsessively counting calories, stimulants and strange diet set ups. I spent hours a day obsessing over MACRO-nutrients (calories, protein, carbs and fat) and simply assumed because I was exercising and eating "healthy" foods that I was meeting all my MICRO-nutrient requirements. I was doing it SO wrong for SO many years. FInally realizing that and accepting it as fact was hard. I had to admit that, though I may know a LOT about things, I was absolutely wrong and missed some seriously important details. AND I like to control things when possible (shocking, right?). What a blow to my ego. But once I made that realization, sucked up my pride and understood that it's FINE to make mistakes, just so long as we are always looking for ways to SOLVE the problem and move forward. LEARN from it. You can't be upset at yourself for screwing something up you didn't even have the knowledge the KNOW you were screwing up with the first time. We do the best with what we have and unfortunately we simply sn't just lack of willpower or weakness. I felt desperate and ashamed of myself, like I'd let my followers down. I struggled to get a grip and couldn't figure out what had happened to me, my mind, my body. I quit my gym and found a new one. For two years I struggled to heal, physiologically and physically. If you've been following my blogs you'll have read the series "Behind the Muscle" where I talk about my dieting journey through the gravel and stone, winding paths and straight up land slides. I didn't just wake up knowing where I was and where to go, it took a lot of self-realization and refusing to live in denial. I had to change my course dozens of times and I failed miserably so many times, doing so much damage so many different ways.

For once it became about HEALTH. Even when contest dieting it seemed to be about starting at crazy low calories, starving, exhaustion and spending hours in the gym. I felt motivated and determined, I was convinced I was doing the best I ever had in my life. I was my fittest, running at 10mph at full incline, doing 2 hours of cardio a day with an hour of circuits (another way to sky-rocket heart rate) on zero carbs with a child. I felt like super woman! So imagine the devastation when it all came crashing down and I realized I had done it wrong the whole time... I had allowed it to happen, chosen to do what I did because I was truly convinced it was what I was supposed to do.

Not every program out there is perfect for everyone, no matter how beneficial and perfect and there are thousands out there that help people (not necessarily making it a healthy option but you're doing what you can with where you're at!) but I can tell you that THIS was exactly what I needed and played a huge part in the path of my life going forward. That isn't everyone's story and this isn't an advertisement for anyone or any company. I won't give you any links on where to buy my products and how much to pay me. This is about the PHILOSOPHY that changed my life. Hehe, that's what Jim Rohn says, by the way! But this is EXACTLY what describes what happened.

Suddenly I began to realize that I was missing the most important part, the part I was refusing to acknowledge was possibly a cause of many of my struggles in life. The pages of my life flash before me- bulimia, over-exercise, over-dieting, diet pils, fad diets, highly restrictive diets cutting out a long list of foods, obsessively counting calories, stimulants and strange diet set ups. I spent hours a day obsessing over MACRO-nutrients (calories, protein, carbs and fat) and simply assumed because I was exercising and eating "healthy" foods that I was meeting all my MICRO-nutrient requirements. I was doing it SO wrong for SO many years. FInally realizing that and accepting it as fact was hard. I had to admit that, though I may know a LOT about things, I was absolutely wrong and missed some seriously important details. AND I like to control things when possible (shocking, right?). What a blow to my ego. But once I made that realization, sucked up my pride and understood that it's FINE to make mistakes, just so long as we are always looking for ways to SOLVE the problem and move forward. LEARN from it. You can't be upset at yourself for screwing something up you didn't even have the knowledge the KNOW you were screwing up with the first time. We do the best with what we have and unfortunately we simply are not born with the knowledge or skills, may have never been taught the REAL information (let's face it, there's a LOT of misinformation out there), or have simply had a misguided mindset at the time.

I felt so much better about this one. Not ashamed, no secrets, no gimmicks and I was truly and honestly the healthiest I had ever been in my life. NOT the skinniest. In fact I was 20lbs heavier in that photo than when I was at my lightest, stepping on stage to compete in figure and bikini. But I felt 1000x BETTER, about myself, my life, my lifestyle and most importantly in terms of my health. Many health "ailments" and vague symptoms I thought were normal began to improve and eventually all but disappear. I got rid of migraines, chronic headaches, extreme constipation issues, chronic fatigue, random pains and malaise.

I see so many suffer with this same mindset, working so hard, trying time and time again only to fail and never really understanding why. For some, it may be your internal philosophy. A desire to SHOULD be focussed on health, not an easy task when everything is calorie and weight (number) focussed. We should not have to feel awful to lose weight, we should not have to live without our favorite things (again, some have medical recommendations that require this or absolutely CAN live a truly healthy and balanced lifestyle with heavy restrictions but for many it's a recipe for disaster). We should not have to spend hours working or need to hire a personal chef, we should not have to take half the day to prep 5 or 6 fresh meals, we should not have to completely overhaul our entire lives to feel and live better. That always starts WITHIN.

<3

Chelsea

Supplements: Wading Through The Shelves

You're gliding through a local store with a mission, headed straight toward the health and supplement section. This is your year! You're going to get healthy! You arrive at your destination and zero in on the hundreds of bottles that seem to stretch for miles in every direction. You manage to find the multi-vitamin section, a simple place to start, you think. Then you realize there's 10 different brands with varying prices. Ok... what do you choose? Cheapest? Do you compare labels and ingredients? Do you have any clue what you're looking for?

It's overwhelming, no doubt. I hear it all the time, many choosing to simply bypass for various reasons. Maybe you've heard they're ineffective, maybe the research seems highly inconclusive and inconsistent, your doctor told you they're a waste of money, you eat well enough and assume you are adequately nourished, or maybe you're just SO overwhelmed by it all that you can't even figure out where to begin.

Wouldn't it be incredible if we could simplify HOW to navigate supplements based on just a few key points?

That's my mission today! Let's clearly lay out some important factors to take into consideration.

Do I NEED to Supplement?
Many assume they eat adequate amounts of food to nourish what their body needs. We pay close attention to calories, fat, protein and carbohydrates yet function on the simple assumption that our cells are meeting their nutritional requirements daily. Let's consider a few issues when it comes to modern-day nutrition.

Daily Diet
Up to 90% of North America believes they "eat healthy", but what if our "map" to eating healthy is flawed? We may consider granola bars, muffins, low fat and fat free products, low calorie snack packs of processed goodies and frozen, highly processed entrees to be a healthy choice. We are misled with marketing, titles, product names and checkmarks to believe what we are choosing is healthy. I remember thinking a Fuzzy Peach candy was a healthy choice because it said FAT FREE on the bag! Further, in the big picture of things it is generally suggested that we focus on eating whole foods 80% of the time, allowing wiggle room for sanity and social purposed to enjoy our favourite, less healthy foods. Is 80% good nutrition truly adequate for our growing nutrients needs combined with declining food quality (see below)? Ideally we should be consuming our nutrition from foods. Unfortunately this is not always realistic. To provide adequate nutrition many of us would require a full-time job raising our own meats, growing our own gardens of varied fruits and vegetables, and control over many factors we simple do not have a lot of control over like stress, environmental toxins, food additives and preservatives and a whole host of factors we may not even be aware of that influence our metabolism and nutrient needs on a day to day basis.

Recent studies suggest that up to 80% of Americans are walking around with nutritional deficiencies, a known cause and contributor to a large number of chronic disease.
You could be one of the 20% if your diet is reaching the recommended servings of fruits, vegetables, you minimize processed and toxin-ridden food, eat mostly organic, grow your own and eliminate household toxins. The only way to know for sure is to spend a little extra on blood analysis. Most physicians won't do a full vitamin/mineral panel blood screen to test for deficiencies without any medical indication to do so but it's always worth a try!

Devitalized Soil
Our soil is only 1/6 of the mineral content it was just 50 years ago, due to conventional farming methods which include adding back only 3 of the multiple minerals depleted through growth, increased yields to provide a higher quantity versus quality, increased pesticide and herbicide use, and improper crop rotation. You would have to eat 6x as much of that vegetable to get the same nutrition as you did 50 years ago. Combine that with a greater level of inactivity and you're sure to miss the mark.

Increased Nutrient Needs
Stress, environmental pollutants, household and personal care chemicals, toxins, pesticides, herbicides, moderate to heavy exercise including weight lifting and running, alcohol and smoking all increase nutrient needs within the body. Stress, for example, produces physiological cascades in the body that require B and C vitamins, among others. Vitamin B is required for cell energy production and carbohydrate and protein metabolism. When these levels are depleted we feel fatigued, run down and less able to cope. We lead higher stress lifestyles than ever before, there's no denying this one!

So you've decided you want to try supplementing, now what?!?!? The information and effectiveness of vitamins seems to change at the blink of an eye and it can be overwhelming figuring out what to look for, how much and why.

First, let's talk about this conflicting information on effectiveness. Much of the talk of dangers of reaching toxic levels, awful side effects like kidney stones, artery calcifications, no positive effects on illness/disease outcomes or prevention, or any other negative association that has come up related to vitamins and minerals has been said of poor quality supplements such as synthetic (man-made) and isoalted (out of balance with nature) nutrients.

I hear a lot of fear-mongering about the dangers and cautions of vitamins so let's put it into perspective. In a 20 year review of all the literature there was 2.5 million deaths from properly prescribed drugs and other health care errors. In that exact same 20 year period, there were only TWO deaths that were "possibly" attributed to vitamins, both of which were extremely high, unrealistic doses. If you've ever watched the documentary Food Matters then you've heard this statistic! I find it a bit ironic, myself, that we are so afraid of vitamins yet so readily pop as aspirin for a headache, without so much as a second thought related to side effects.

So how to we distinguish poor quality from high quality?

HOW THEY'RE MADE
This is ALWAYS first and foremost. Vitamins are made one of THREE ways.
1) Synthetic. Man-made, fake, nothing natural about them. Every study I have seen showing any negative or ineffective effects of vitamins have been on synthetic vitamins!!! EVERY one. Smokers and beta-carotene, synthetic, vitamin D toxicity- Synthetic, calcium buildup in arteries and kidney's- synthetic! The list goes on. All this fear-mongering is on SYNTHETIC vitamins.

So, how do you know what are synthetics? Biggest clue are those sold at Walmart, drug stores, GNC (prenatal and children's vitamins included). You'll also see "dl-" in front of ingredient names. Synthetics are also often full of fillers and additives. You get what you pay for here, people. Unless you're comparing two synthetic brands at Walmart, then the more expensive one is the exact same as the cheap one. Why? Because there are only a few HUGE companies that manufacture allllllll of these different vitamins in your stores.

2)Isolated- IsolateVitamins taken from real things/food but the desired vitamin is isolated (often with heat which is cheapest and kills active enzymes). Sounds good? Think about this one... there are MANY vitamins out there that are NOT safe if taken in large doses alone. When taken the way it's meant to in nature, with cofactors, other vitamins that balance WITH the desired nutrient (essentially helps the body avoid toxicity as well as improves bioavailablility) the body is better able to cope and put those nutrients to work where they're needed. Vitamin E for example can be VERY dangerous when taken alone in high doses but do you ever get warnings about eating too many nuts for fear of vitamin E poisoning? Didn't think so.

These are often found in health food stores. The bottle will read, "derived from", "naturally sourced from" or something to that effect.

3) Whole Food- Essentially taking a whole food and breaking it down into pill form. This is what supplements are supposed to be! If you do not have any specific nutritional limitations on the food you eat then you can be rest assured taking these food supplements will be just like increasing your intake of any food containing those nutrients.

Whole food vitamins cost more, they are not as easy to find but these are worth the extra effort to find. I have never seen a study with negative outcomes from a whole food supplement.

QUALITY ISSUES
There are definitely some rampant quality issues everyone should be aware of when looking for a supplement company or brand.

1) Bioavailability
Very simply put this means that our bodies are complex and designed in a way to absorb and utilize nutrients from food through digestion. Not all nutrients are absorbed at the same time from the same place or provide equal benefit in doing so. For example, Folic Acid actually provides a far greater benefit when released and absorbed very quickly in the stomach. Omega supplements will avoid a fishy burp when released in the duodenum versus the stomach and probiotics will provide a dramatically greater effect when released in the colon where it is needed versus being released in the stomach where the highly acid environment will kill off all but traces of the live, active cultures before nearing the colon.
This issue is common when it comes to effectiveness of supplements and actually feeling a difference. It is one thing to say it is a bioavailable product but is there any clinical research that proves it is? This would be the best, most concrete way of backing up the claim with solid evidence, as many natural companies will simply list bioavailable on the label.

2) Stability
If you look closely at a bottle you will likely find somewhere that says, "at time of manufacture" when pertaining to the amount of ingredient within. This means that the company has not done any testing to ensure or guarantee that what you are paying for on the label is actually in the bottle. Again, this is a large issue with probiotics as they are highly sensitive to their environment. If it is not very well encapsulated in a scientific way then they often need to be refrigerated.
In many clinical tests analyzing labels claims brands have very often failed to meet their own claims when tested. Calcum, green tea extract, most herbs, probiotics, garlic and allicin of all different quality types and levels have come back containing as little as ZERO active ingredient while many groups have between 10-60%. If you want more information on this issue you can sign up with ConsumerLabs.com and check out their libraries of testing done on your most popular store brand names and how they measure up with label claims. It's a fantastic resource!

3) Contamination
Believe it or not, this is a real issue. Industry standards require testing of only raw materials (which still remains flawed with its grey areas) with the trust that contamination will not happen in processing, therefore finished products are not required to be tested. Additionally, industry standards require testing of only 50 contaminants. I have only seen one company that tests for over 350 in every single batch of every finished product produced in its facility.
A perfect example of this was the study done by the FDA in 2008 on hundreds of women's and children' vitamins, including prenatals. The study found that over 324 brands of vitamins were contaminated with lead! The study was posted online as a "buyer beware" and those supplements were not taken off the market or required to fix the problem. Daily lead recommendations have been set by Health Canada to not exceed 1.5mcg per day. Across North America recommendations are now being lowered to ZERO after new research shows clear links to lead levels in the blood of children and developmental challenges and lowered IQ scores. Here's the link to the FDA study http://www.fda.gov/Food/FoodborneIllnessContaminants/Metals/ucm115941.htm
InnerLight Supergreens was found to contain over 19mcg of lead when tested by Consumer Labs. Metagenics Rice Protein was found to contain nearly 6mcg of lead per serving when tested by Consumer Labs.

4) Heat Processing
Heat processing to extract vitamins and nutrients is the cheapest, quickest route. Heat kills active, live enzymes present in natural living food. This won't apply to synthetic vitamins but applies to isolated and whole food vitamins. Have you ever heard that sprouting provides health benefits? This is the same idea that raw food enthusiasts relate to. Though I do not believe it is necessary, or plausible, for most to consume a strictly raw diet it is important to note that when taking a food supplement, you will find a greater number of benefits with cold processing versus heat processing for this simplified reason.

It is worth doing some research to find what feels right for you. Use this guide when researching online, ask questions, send the company and email, look for the evidence and research. Invest in basic whole food supplements to keep cost down and focus on making better food choices every day. If you live a high stress lifestyle it might be worth investing in some combined B+C vitamins, especially if you're lacking energy and are already eating a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean meats, whole grains and healthy fats.

Cheers,

Chelsea

REALLY Want to Reach your Health and Fitness Goals???

Have you ever felt like you've somehow fallen into a 10 foot hole? One day you look around and realize just how deep you've gone and are surrounded by silent, lonely, desperate darkness. There are only shadows around you and the echo of your own voice, a voice you're not even sure you recognize. You try to find a way out, determined, you begin to climb only to fall. It doesn't take long to feel hopeless as you realize the impossible climb before you.

You know, it is easy to look at another person's "chapter 10" and compare it to your "chapter one", isn't it? This philosophy changed my thinking. How often do you compare yourself to others in a day, sensationalizing their desirable traits, focussing on all that seems perfect and effortless? After all, how difficult can it seem when they are living it before your very eyes?

I've been on both ends. It's no secret that I have my darkness behind me. I have been there! I have felt that desperate loneliness, as though not a soul could possibly understand my deep pain and torment. I remember truly despising myself to the point that nothing mattered, not my health, not my life. I just wanted to be beautiful, to be liked, to be desired and accepted. I went through deep depression, general and social anxiety, an extremely low self-esteem and sheer self-hatred, ruthless self-criticism, teasing, bullying, abuse. I suffered extreme binge eating and the only way I could control my emotions was with food, but I needed control in one small area of my life so desperately that I couldn't accept it. I had to purge. I had to rid myself of the filth.

Let's not stay here... you get the idea, right? You might look at my Facebook profile photo, my blog photo, my happy family and it may be easy to assume that it all came effortlessly, naturally and without pain and struggle. But that's far from truth.

One day, in the hospital for intense treatment, I realized that I had to make a decision. For MYSELF. Amongst all the chaos and unpredictability of life I had to make a choice to get better. It was only weeks before finding out I was pregnant with my first son, which only strengthened my resolve. I had to make the decision for MYSELF. That I would NOT spend the rest of my life this way. I did think about having kids one day, years down the road and I thought about my boyfriend whom I knew I loved with all my heart and soul and would marry one day (and I did). I did NOT want to mess this up by being so messed up.

So I made a choice. I took responsibility for my future and resolved to get healthy, inside and out, no matter what it took. I didn't expect it to be easy and smooth, no I knew better. I remember sitting there, forced to just exist as myself, with my FEELINGS, without my crutch and distraction of food. No cookies to distract me from my demons. I remember how deeply uncomfortable I felt, how time dragged by, how I just couldn't figure out what to do with myself and how awful it felt to just feel so crawly in my own skin. I wanted to make it GO AWAY, but that's what got me here in the first place.

No, it wasn't easy. Eight years later it STILL isn't easy. I make a lot of mistakes, I say and do the wrong things. Sometimes I feel like I'm a new person but these flashes of the old me can't help but break through the cracks in my skin. Sometimes I crack and crumble, I fall apart and I feel like it will never get better. But then I remember and realize just how far I've come.

It wasn't easy. It STILL isn't easy! I struggle with my brain every single day. Some days are better than others but it honestly feels like a constant struggle (I promise it's not, we just have that tendency to focus on the negative. If you don't believe me write down all the moments in a day you struggle and you'll not only notice it lessen over the weeks and months but you'll realize how many hours in a day you're "normal"). I still don't see an accurate reflection in the mirror, the reflection others see. It's a lifelong journey and you HAVE to accept this if you want to keep moving forward. There is no 12 week program or transformation miracle that will fix all your internal problems, the problems that drive every single conflict within ourselves. Just like alcoholism, consider it a disease. You gain strength and skills, you learn to cope and keep it at bay but must always be mindful of your demons. We all have them.

You see, we get so caught up looking at how far the top of that hole is, how high the mountain is we need to climb, and we completely lose sight of just how important every single step is to take us there. Without each and every little step forward we would never get there. If we don't get back up and try again, try a new approach, learn and figure out WHY it didn't work, we would never get there.

Do you see the significance of this seemingly simple decision? I'm not talking about just saying you'll do it, nor am I talking about finding all the tools first. NO ONE has all the tools frist, that's what falling is for! I'm talking about making that brick-walled, steel-strong, no doubts, sheer and utter soul-shaking decision that you WILL get better because you DESERVE to live better. Your CHILDREN, family, friends, loved ones DESERVE that role model, that life. NO one is lost, no one is hopeless. If they were then I would have been cast into the depths of the shadows forever.

Why not YOU? Keep fighting for it and I guarantee you will be out there one day telling your success story.